Random March 05, 2015 at 09:28PM

mind farts

Do you know why I drink? I drink because it makes me forget. Because it is a quiet in the storm. A solace in the storm. Peace from the bullshit. A loud and strangely quiet method of getting away. Leaving all this shit behind. Tried to get drunk for all these reasons and then realise that your kid might be one of the things you want to get away from yet you cannot imagine not having her with you? The even worse thought of feeling that your own kid is sabotaging your efforts to try to claw your way forward. She’s young. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t care. But yet her not knowing or caring is fucking you up more than anything else. Fucking us both up.

Fuck it. I’m tired. And not drunk enough.



Deep thoughts (serious this time), sad

Is there anything sadder than unrequited love? Unrequited lust.  Interest. Feelings. General stirrings of the nether regions that aren’t being scratched by the person in question.

Dear WordPress, it’s been a while since I saw you. In that time I got a job (yay),  at less pay than previously (boo but when you are broke who cares) and have developed a raging crush on a colleague. An unrequited crush. Hence my Friday night blog post.

He is 50. In fantastic shape for his age, sweet ass,  tall and strongly built.  He is also a nice guy,  easy to chat with,  universally respected as a fair and just manager,  a good guy,  a very involved father to his 20 year old daughter,  gets along with his ex wife.  Which makes him the opposite of every man I’ve ever lusted after. Sigh. Did I mention that his arse is fine? It is. Yum.

Apart from the obvious fact that we work together and have parallel responsibilities with our boss (he’s the right hand,  I’m there to be the left), he is not the kind of person I could just approach and make a move on. For one thing,  he is supposedly dating a younger chick that he is supposed to be very in to. I have no idea what he thinks of me,  or even if he notices me in that way.  Yes he makes jokes and laughs at mine and he has even on occasion asked how my weekend was or enquired about my plans for the evening (volunteering no option that included him) and has granted me special access to his stash of coffee at work. Sometimes I feel like he is making a cute move or looking to ask something personal,  yet he never really has. In a fit of alcohol on Old Years Night I emailed him,  thankfully only to wish him a happy new year thankgodiwasntoverlydrunk, and he kindly has never brought it up or mentioned it,  apart from asking me how my night was. I take that as him being kind,  not wanting to bring up my stupid and weird indiscretion. Gosh I like this guy.

Stay tuned anonymous blog readers. Hopefully future posts may be less unrequited.

It’s been a while

Deep thoughts (serious this time)

Yes, it’s been a while dear neglected blog. I’ve got so much to I wanted to say and write but …. the thought of the writing and saying process always puts me off.

I got a job. Or rather I “got” a “job”. The husband of one of my best friends – himself a personal friend of mine – was looking for a personal/executive assistant and… well… I’m it.

If I sound unenthused it’s because I probably really am. First of all I’m not gung-ho about working for someone I’ve known as a friend for over 24 years. I’ve worked for/with friends before and it’s one of the things guaranteed to strain or even end a relationship. Couple that with the fact that I can’t bitch to my bestie about my boss anymore as she is now Mrs Boss. But I NEED an income right now – I have got to have a job. So there we are.

Secondly, I’m fearful that having an 8-5 is going to cripple my freelance work and stifle the personal creative projects I’m working on. My boss-to-be has already stated we won’t be working an 8-5, Mon-Fri-style thing. That flexibility can work for me in terms of dealing with personal freelance appointments and handling my daughter’s schedule. But I know it can also work against me: I will be expected to reciprocate such flextime. And as a personal/executive assistant I foresee weekends and nights being worked. But I NEED an income right now – I have got to have a job. So there we are.

Thirdly, my boss-to-be is horrendously informal and disorganised, which is probably why he needs an assistant. Both he, and his food service industry consultant whom I met with, are creative types.  Neither is administratively or business operationally-minded. Again, this is the reason both of them came to the decision to hire me no doubt, but it is also the reason why I still do not have a job description or know what my salary will be.

(But I NEED an income right now – ANY INCOME. So here we are.)

I only hope that my boss-to-be has remembered I’m supposed to start the first Monday of December….